A Dream I Had
One day, I dreamed that I was in the horrible hell. Looking around , I saw a great variety of punishment which were brutal, severe and inhuman. I could hardly imagine how painful the spirit felt. At that moment, I heard a voice, and I turned to him. He seemed to wait for my decision. I looked at my dress and realized that I was the king of the underworld. There were many spirits waiting for my judgment. The more I read their records, the more I realized the bad things they did. I strictly punished many spirits which were guilty of the most heinous crimes. All of them begged mercy on me. I just angrily told them. “You should ask pardon on the people that you hurt.” Suddenly, I woke up with great fright. I couldn’t help but think why they didn’t think twice before they did it.
posted by Butterfly @ 3:30 AM
11 Comments:
1. I strictly punished many spirits "who" were guilty ...
其實我也不太確定，可是鬼也是人變來的…
2.All of them begged mercy on me. "But" I just told them angrily.
這樣比較順
3.我有一種還沒結束的感覺…(結論句)
There were many spirits waiting for my judgment. The more I read their records, the more I realized ....
我覺得There were many spirits waiting for my judgment中間是布氏還要插入一些句子
Good!你的寫作進步很多
I heard a voice, and I turned to him.>>可以改成 I heard a boice, turning to them好像比較順
You are very creative!
我覺得they did it是不是應該要說一個具體的事，雖然前面有提到“You should ask pardon on the people that you hurt.”但是還是不太清楚
I woke up with great fright. I couldn’t help but think ...
中間如果用，然後把後面的I換個方式寫應該會比較順@@
the king of the underworld!!真有個人風格的夢!
This comment has been removed by the author.
感覺好像還沒寫完，應該可以加個短一點的結論，這樣比較完整。
那個刪掉的文章是我刪的,因為我打錯了,不好意思
寫得不錯,很酷
感覺你寫得越來越有深度了～
不過後面很奇怪…看起來好像還沒寫完…
多加幾句囉～
你的想像力未免太豐富了吧!!但...好像沒什麼endingㄟ..
好像沒有結論ㄟ..
真是有趣的故事!!
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